Missing Role Models

Recently, I received an email from a man named Scot McKay (I’m subscribed to his list), whose work I respect a lot. He teaches men how to actually BE the genuine man women want, thereby making them more successful at meeting and dating. Not to mention, at life in general. In this particular mailing, Scot talked about some market research done by MTV, where they broke down the state of the modern man in our culture. And one finding that was especially shocking and sad is this:

"Over 50% of all North American men, across all socio-ethnicdemographics and regardless of age, DO NOT HAVE AN IDENTIFIABLE ROLE MODEL."

I got to thinking: How could this be? I mean, when I grew up a boy’s father was usually his first and most important role model. From our fathers we learned how to be men and if a guy was fortunate enough to have a father the caliber of mine, a good man.

Somewhere along the line, things started changing. And I think I have some clues – see if you can follow me here.

First, at the same time the gender roles were gradually changing (more women, including mothers, working outside the home) divorce rates began to climb, leaving fewer boys growing up with their fathers in the home. And I’m sorry to have to say this ladies, but a mother doesn’t qualify as a role model for a boy growing up.

Second, along came the feminist revolution, complete with all the rhetoric about women being able to do it all, without a husband and father having much value in the family. Equality graduated into superiority for many women. And there was more movement toward women seeking (demanding?) men to be more like women - break down the masculinity of men and the world will be a better place, not to mention relationships and the family would be more under the control of the women in them. Women fell for it and started insisting on finding men for husbands who were willing to “show their feminine side” and “listen”. You know what I’m talking about: emasculated “nice guys”.

Men, unfortunately, fell for what women were demanding, being the seekers of “female companionship” we are. Do anything, say anything, BE anything to get women to like us and want us. Confused as we were, we were sucked in, basically. But it didn’t work out the way women thought it would: divorce rates skyrocketed. And did you know that women file about 75% of divorces filed in the US? Bottom line, get the guy you think you want and find out you don’t want him after all.

So at this point, you’ve got not only an ever-growing number of boys reaching manhood without having had the benefit of a father as a role model, but those who DO have their fathers around aren’t getting a true masculine image of what they should become. How could they from their “feminized” fathers, who themselves grew up without male role models? (see footnote) And just look at our modern culture, especially TV. In the sitcoms, men are made out to be bumbling idiots who can’t survive their fiascos without being bailed out by their loving and patient (mothering?) wives. More and more movies are based on the same theme or show wussy guys fawning all over the female characters – “chick flicks”. And what about music in the ‘60’s, ‘70’s and ‘80’s? The incessant wailing of men saying they’ll die if the object of their affections should leave them. Is this what being a man became?

To sum it up, we’ve got a couple generations of men who don’t know what a man is supposed to be, the lucky ones getting to raise their sons in the same mold. And women aren’t happy about it, either. How can a woman be feminine if a man can’t be masculine?

Scot McKay, Carlos Xuma and a few others are reaching out to men, trying to teach us to be the real men we were born to be. And the comments and reviews from women have been “here, here!” You can check out Scot’s work at: Deserve What You Want

Owen
coach@man2woman.net

* In a survey taken by Carlos Xuma, responses showed that where 69% of the men in the survey said they grew up with both parents in the home, only 20% said they felt they were given the tools to be masculine.