From Kara Oh

Kara Oh is the author of Men Made Easy, Everlasting Love, and Women Made Easy and the founder of the Aunt Kara's School of Charm, Seduction and Feminine Grace: A Course In the Joys of Womanly Ways

What a Man Should Watch Out For When Selecting a Mate

Do You Know Anyone Who Fits Any Of These Descriptions?

In Women Made Easy, the book I wrote to help men with their relationship delimmas, I describe the kind of women that they should avoid. You might find this list interesting, just in case you or a friend might occasionally slide into behavior that scares men off. Any of the items below that would describe a man, you should avoid them because this advice goes both ways.

1. Avoid any woman who is financially irresponsible. You will end up in a mess. Not making much money is not the same as having poor money management skills. You don't need that kind of grief.

2. Avoid any woman who is angry at men. This is not immediately obvious so you need to dig a bit. If she starts talking about past relationships and begins to get angry, she could end up taking it out on you.

Ask her how she thinks the feminist movement has harmed men and women's ability to create loving, respectful relationships. If she hasn't thought about it, the direction you want to explore is if she thinks it feels good to have a man be her hero, and if she enjoys a man who wants to be the man so she can better enjoy being a woman.

3. Avoid any woman who blames others for what's going on in her life. She'll end up blaming you and won't ever take responsibility for her part of the dance. And it does take two to do the relationship dance.

4. Avoid spoiled women. You can tell by what they expect and how appreciative they are with what others give them and do for them. Spoiled women are like a bottomless pit.

5. If she ever, even once, says something to put you down you are in for some very big trouble. She is an emasculator and she'll cut away at your masculinity.

6. Avoid women who are inconsistent. You don't want to be blindsided by irratic behavior.

7. Avoid women who are emotionally wacky. Women can be emotional but if they are out of control be very, very careful. She can surprise you in some pretty scary ways.

8. Avoid women who are generally unhappy. You want a woman who is happy or you will have to work too hard and will get worn out. This type of woman is too much work and she will never be happy, no matter how much you do for her.

9. Avoid women who have no close friends. She will expect you to be everything for her, which is too much for any man to take on. And there is something intrinsically wrong with a women who has no close friends. She is not emotionally healthy.

10. Avoid women who are easily bored. A women who gets bored does not have enough interests and is not good at finding her own activities. A bored person is boring and not very interesting.

Notice if you have been drawn to these kind of women. Often, men enjoy rescuing women, then wonder why they get worn out and beaten down. If you want a healthy, happy woman, you must expect the same of yourself.

In the beginning of a relationship, everyone is putting their best foot forward. Unfortunately, women can be very good at acting whatever part is required to snag a man. That is one reason you should wait at least a year, probably two, before marriage. In that period of time you will begin to see inconsistencies if she is putting on an act.

Pay attention to how your friends and family feel about her. If they don't like her, that should be a big red flag. They can be much more objective than you can because they are not emotionally invested and they haven't been having sex with her. I married someone my grown son did not like. After we were divorced I asked myself why on earth I would ever want to be with someone my children did not like.

I think you are getting the general idea. Don't get blinded by a woman just because she's attractive or good in bed. If you're looking for a healthy, solid, long-term relationship, you want someone who is basically sound. You'd do no less if you were purchasing a used car.

Choose someone who makes you feel good, someone who makes you feel like a better person because you are with her. It may take a little longer to find her, but it will be well worth the wait.
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Comments welcome.
To purchase Men Made Easy, click here.

Wishing you healthy relationships,
Owen
coach@man2woman.net

Bragging Time

I don't do this very often and don't have an opportunity often but this is the best. No, it's not about me, it's about my daughter.

My daughter, Ashley, turned 18 a few days ago but that's not what I'm going to brag about. Ready? In the past 3 days she's found out about TWO college scholarships she's been awarded AND she's been chosen to be the student speaker at her graduation ceremony. This is a kid who failed 9th grade, for reasons I won't go into, and whose mother dropped out of high school.

The scholarships were awarded based on Ashley's ability to write a well-thought-out essay (yeah, out of a generation of kids who can't communicate) and recommendations from her school.

What did I do? Not much, other than teaching her when she was little how much fun reading can be and how important it is to feed your brain daily. In kindergarten class the kids were supposed to draw a picture of their dad doing something he likes to do and Ashley drew one of me reading the newspaper. Seed planted. :-)

Proudly,
Owen
coach@man2woman.net

A Great Quote

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.--Maya Angelou

What can you change? Yourself. What can't you change? Other people. I found that the Serenity Prayer has helped me many, many times to adjust my attitude:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference."

Owen
coach@man2woman.net

Check out my new Delphi Forum! And feel free to post or respond - express yourself!

Why Men Want Sex and Women Want Love

by Elena Solomon
author of
12 Simple Rules

Men are frustrated with women because they never want sex.
Women are frustrated with men because they always want sex.

Women blame men that they don't know how to love.
Men blame women that they only talk about love but don't want to make it.

Whether you are a man or a woman, reading this article can change your life -
finally, you will be able to get rid of your frustrations about the opposite
gender.

The reason humans want sex is due to the hormone testosterone, which is
predominantly male hormone. A normal male's body produces 20 times more of this
hormone than a female's.

In other words, a male feels the same way after one day without sex as a
female after 20 days without sex. A male that has not had sex in 20 days feels
the same way as a female after more than a year without sex.

Knowing this simple difference, you can already understand the pain of the
opposite gender. It's NOT their fault: they are made this way! It's in our
genes! This is the reason why men are men and women are women.

Men and women are DIFFERENT.
Not better or worse, just different.

A man can father a child every time he has sex, and a woman can only mother a
child every two years or so. This means, a woman HAS TO be picky about who she
allows to have sex with her.

For generations women were paying too high a price for making a wrong choice.
Women that have chosen men with bad genes had a weaker offspring and their
children struggled to survive. Women that have chosen men with good genes had a
stronger offspring and their children survived disproportionably. Those children
were carrying their picky mother's genes and this is why those female genes were
passed to us.

On the other hand, men never had adverse consequences of making a wrong
choice. The more children they produced, the higher was their chance to pass
their genes to future generations, as some of them would certainly survive.
While men were determined to seek better genes too, they had to grab all chances
to procreate coming their way to ensure their genes would be passed forward. The
men that ONLY stuck with one woman (even a high quality woman) were losing
genetically to the men that used all of their opportunities and had many more
children that survived. Those children were carrying their father's promiscuous
genes, and this is why those male genes were passed to us.

By Nature men are made to seek as much sex as they can get, so they can
spread their seed wider.

By Nature women are made to seek as many admirers as they can get, so they
can make a better choice and get the best seed.

Men seek quantity - women seek quality.
This is why men seek sex and women seek love.

Love is the proof that a woman needs to have some assurance that the man will
stick around and help her with the upbringing of the offspring. For a woman, sex
is the culmination of her emotional commitment to a man.

For a man, sex is a physical act that eases the testosterone pressure he
experiences constantly. Only after this tension has gone, can a man feel love
towards a woman. This is why it often happens that men disappear after they got
what they wanted: it wasn't love; it was the testosterone pressure. Sex for men
is the reality check of their passion.

This is why having sex early in the relationship is hazardous for women: the
man has not had the time to develop any romantic feelings for her. He needs time
to develop those feelings, and the only way to do it is through keeping the
sexual tension going for as long as practicable. Sex must be attainable, nearly
possible - but not quite. When the sexual tension is at its peak, its release is
mind-blowing - and once is never enough, which lays a proper foundation for a
future relationship - and love.

Men fall in love through sex; women fall in sex through love.

All of this happens on the unconscious level - we do NOT realize what's going
on.

But the reason why you are here today and alive is because each and every of
your ancestors, men and women, acted true to their instincts and managed to
attract at least one sexual partner and produce an offspring.

So, there is no need to be bitter about men wanting sex and women wanting
love. Those two are the necessary pieces of the puzzle called Survival Of The
Species.

And you'll be better off understanding what the other gender is going through
and giving them exactly what they want: a mind-blowing sex or exhilarating love.

Go get 'em! :-)

---

Elena
Solomon is a dating coach.

Her latest book "12 Simple Rules" became #1 'Love & Romance'
bestseller in the leading ebook distribution service in just ONE WEEK
after the release. It shows you EXACTLY how you can utilize the natural laws of
attraction and our in-built sexual strategies to win in the game of love.

Get the UNFAIR ADVANTAGE in the battle of sexes!

http://www.12SimpleRules.com/

A Lady's Lament

Where have all the Hollywood hunks gone?

BY KIMBERLEY A. STRASSEL
Friday, March 3, 2006 12:01 a.m. EST

This year I plan to conduct my own Academy Awards. And in my newly
created category of "Best Red-Blooded Male," I regret to say that I
can offer up only one nominee: King Kong.

Where have all the tough guys gone? Really, it's enough to make you
cry--that is, if all our leading men weren't already doing it for
me. From its earliest days Hollywood has had a glorious tradition
of punch-throwing, gun-toting, testosterone-oozing leading men, and
the world has loved every one of them. James Cagney, Humphrey
Bogart, Gary Cooper, John Wayne, Lee Marvin, Charles Bronson, Steve
McQueen, Sly Stallone, Mel Gibson, these were men. Some were strong
and silent, some artisans of broken noses and busted rib cages,
some villains, some heroes. But there was no doubt that they had a
reason to walk with bowed legs.

And today? These marvelous males have given way to a new generation
of Hollywood consumptives, metrosexuals if you will, the most solid
thing about whom are their perky cheekbones. Jude Law, Johnny Depp,
Orlando Bloom, Leo DiCaprio, Adrien Brody, Ashton (Ashton!)
Kutcher. I make it a general rule to withhold my regard from any
man I could bench-press on a feeble day, much less those who've
never had need of a razor. If producers are wondering why
box-office sales keep falling, they might consider that America
wants something more from its men than pouty lips and foot-long
eyelashes.

Early cinema specialized in the supermasculine sort, providers and
achievers and gangsters who were always in control. They were cool
("Here's looking at you, kid"), daring ("Made it, Ma! Top of the
world!") and cocky ("Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn"). Some
were tough through their moral rectitude; think Jimmy Stewart.
Others, like Cary Grant, made up for a lack of outright macho with
wit, class and unbelievable suits.

The 1950s brought about yet a new type of tough guy, heroes who
specialized in fighting wars, protecting the innocent and getting
the job done. They weren't "hunks" in today's sense of that word,
but they didn't need to be. They had such presence that they didn't
even need to speak. James Coburn had precisely 11 lines in "The
Magnificent Seven," including such masterpieces as "You lost" and
"Three." But if ever a Western has produced a tougher, more deadly
gun-slinger and knife-hucker than "Britt," I'd like to know. By the
1960s and '70s, these tough guys had also discovered the value of
props. Clint had his .44 Magnum. Steve had his Mustang GT 390. Sean
had his martini.

Starting about 1980, tough guys changed again. This was the
beefcake era, and the guys were maniacs. Arnold Schwarzenegger
terminated everything in sight. As near as I can figure, Mel
Gibson, via "Braveheart" and "The Patriot," single-handedly killed
off the entire English population. Sylvester Stallone sealed his
career with characters named "Rocky," "Rambo" and "Cobra," for
goodness' sake. None of this was highbrow film, but there was
something wonderful about the brute strength. Even women came to
appreciate the, ahem, upside to testosterone-flicks. I know girls
who will admit that they own "Top Gun" for the sole purpose of
watching the volleyball scene over and over.

Sadly, reruns are about all we babe-loving women have these days.
The new Hollywood man isn't noble or daring or silent or even
beefy. He emotes. He is fragile and flawed. He is a 40-year-old
virgin. He is a hobbit. Take a look at the guys who are up for
Oscar nominations, and let's go immediately to the elephant in the
room. Three--count 'em, three--are there for playing men who bat
for the other team. Yes, yes, I loved both "Brokeback Mountain" and
"Capote," but that's not the point.

Some of the older toughies are still knocking around, but it's
getting to be a bit of a geriatric ward. Stallone will be 60 this
summer. Even Denzel Washington is past 50. Eastwood is clocking in
at 76 and has (wisely) taken to playing senior citizens. My hat
goes off to Bruce Willis, who continues to churn out reliable
hard-man flicks, even if the tank tops are now gone. As for the
younger generation, I find myself grateful to Matt Damon, who had
the courage to make two old-fashioned spy thrillers (as Jason
Bourne), the first of which revitalized the concept of a car chase.
Oh, and Vin Diesel rocks.

Where is the next generation of tough guys? They're out there. They
just happen to go by the names Michelle Yeoh and Angelina Jolie.
These are our new bad boys: cool, clever and deadly with a six-foot
samurai sword. Still, call me a traditionalist; I like my heroes
with facial hair, a deep voice and bulging biceps. Which is why,
when it comes to this year's nominees for truly manly men, I'm
sticking with the ape.

Ms. Strassel is a member of The Wall Street Journal's editorial
board.
_______________________________________________

What's your opinion? Agree with Ms. Stassel? Or is Tom Hanks more your type of hero?

Owen
coach@man2woman.net

His Moments of Silence

This is from Kara Oh, author of "Men Made Easy":

If you have never read Men Made Easy, or if you haven't read it for a
while, you might want to be reminded about what you need to do to get
him to open up...just in case it isn't a habit yet. It has to do with
honoring his "moments of silence." I got an email from a woman who
was asking how to get a new man to talk more. Here's my response:

The best thing to do with a quiet man is to follow his lead for a
while. When you do ask questions, make them not too personal. Find
out what his interests are, then ask questions about those. A
question like, "What do you enjoy best about..." will get him to talk
about his feelings, but in a non-threatening way.

One of the things in my book, which is not even a secret, is how to
get a man to open up. One thing women do too often to men is cut
them off. That's the way we women interact, but men don't do very
well with it. When you ask a question, often, there will be what I call a
"moment of silence." That's when he's gathering his thoughts. And there will
often be several throughout his response, if you give him the
opportunity. Women use those moments to jump in, which never gives
him a chance.

After you ask a question, allow any and all moments of
silence to hang. If you give him time to gather his thoughts, each
time he'll become more and more trusting that you aren't going to
interrupt him. He may surprise himself with what he reveals, because
you have given him the opportunity to feel safe enough to do so.

This technique is laid out in greater detail in the book but this is
enough to get you started. I hope it helps. If you haven't been doing
this technique, give it a try and see what happens. I do this for
Chris and he tells me all the time that I'm the first woman who has
ever seen who he really is, and he is blown away by what good
communication we have. Mostly, I'm a good listener. You can be too.
________________________________________________

For more information about Kara's great book click here.

coach@man2woman.net

Doing Things For Others

"Hi my problem is that my boyfriend always thinks he needs to do stuff for his women friends.I have men friends and i don't do anything for then because i don't want to disrepect him in anyway possible"

Our mothers tried to raise us to be that way, the way THEY think men should be toward women. Society also influences us to be helpful to women. Come to think of it, all the self-improvement books I've read tell us we should do things for other people with no expectation of anything in return if we want to be happy.

If you want to be happy, go ahead and do helpful things for other men you know. I don't think it's disrespectful toward your boyfriend and if he thinks it is, then that's HIS problem.

I'm in a 12 step program and one thing I learned both there and in some pretty good self-improvement books is if I get upset about something someone else says or does, I'M the one at fault. It's what's going on inside ME, not them, that causes my discomfort. It's my reaction to the world around me, not the world around me, that makes me uncomfortable.

I'm re-reading a fun little book someone gave me years ago, back in a time when I wasn't ready to accept anything anyone else said unless they agreed with me. And I thought all this stuff about how to be happy was a bunch of caca. Well, NOW I find the book enjoyable and enlightening. It's called simply: "Being Happy" by Andrew Mathews. Andrew is a cartoonist, along with being a writer and speaker, so the book has some cute cartoons in it to illustrate his points. If you can find it, buy it!

I'm going to pass on something I've read more than once, this comment regarding the message quoted above that started this post. Notice how this lady ("anonymous" was the only name on her comment) doesn't capitalize "i" except when it's beginning a sentence? I've been told by experts that's a sign of low self-esteem or self-respect. Like when a person does that it's because they don't think they're worthy of a capital "I". I always thought it was just that the person is too lazy to hit the shift key! Maybe it's a combination: the person doesn't consider him/herself worth his/her OWN effort!

Comments welcome. Or email me at coach@man2woman.net

Sexual Strategies

Sexual Strategies
by Elena Solomon
author of 12 Simple Rules

Have you ever thought WHY men's and women's sexual strategies are so different?

- Why men want sex and women want love?
- Why there are NO books teaching women how to get one-night stands?
- Why women complain about men not loving them enough - but refusing to make love?

If you've ever been frustrated with the opposite gender, I feel for you. I've been there, too. In fact, for nearly two decades of my life I was completely clueless on what was going on between men and women - with disastrous results.

Then I decided I'd had enough and I wanted to learn what the other gender was REALLY looking for and HOW one could master that. In short, I wanted to know what makes men and women tick.

This is what I learned and what every man and woman must know.
Our sexual strategies are deeply imprinted in our SUBCONSCIOUS.
We cannot CHANGE what is there.
We cannot CHOOSE whom we feel attracted to.
We just FEEL it.

Why?

Because, from Mother Nature's point of view, the purpose of life is LIFE itself. It's procreation. In other words, to keep the human race thriving, men and women should have sex and have children.

To make men and women have sex Mother Nature created a mechanism, which drives males and females towards one another. This mechanism is what we routinely call LOVE, or attraction.

Attraction is actually a cocktail of certain hormones generated in our bodies in the presence of someone who appears to be good genes - in other words, a person of the opposite gender who seems to have the capacity of producing a healthy offspring that will survive.

Those hormones make us feel euphoric and excited, and we feel an enormous urge to get in close contact with the person we are attracted to.

This is really what love is all about. It's just the means of making us have sex with each other and make babies.

All those poems about the wonders of love are written about the condition of a human being under the influence of a powerful mix of natural drugs.

And yes, it hits high!
Anyone who's been in love can confirm that.

The thing you must understand is that this process is COMPLETELY UNCONTROLLABLE.

We cannot CHOOSE who we fall in love with.

This is because the purpose of procreation is so important that Mother Nature cannot rely on our recently developed intellectual capacities to make the right choice. Instead, it uses the wisdom of generations BEFORE us to make the choice FOR us. The mechanism of sexual attraction is firmly imprinted in our GENETIC MEMORY.

We are attracted to certain patterns of behavior and physical characteristics. When we come across those patterns in real life, we feel attraction to this person - and we cannot help it.

With all advances in modern science and birth control, we still have the same biological hardware as our pre-historical ancestors. Scientists say that we have the same bodies as our forebears some 50,000 years ago.

It means that when you fall in love (or lust), you do it the same way as cavemen and cavewomen did. You simply FEEL it. You cannot CONVINCE yourself to fall in love – you either feel it, or not.

So, why do men and women use such different sexual strategies?
Why do men want sex and women want love?
Because men and women ARE different.

Not better or worse, but different.

A man can produce a child every time he has sex, and a woman can only produce a child only every second year or so.

So for a man, there are no adverse consequences for having sex with as many women as he wants - the more children he produces, the higher his chance to procreate.

For a woman, it's different. She needs to be selective to secure the best genes for her child. If she makes a wrong choice and falls pregnant from a man with bad genes, her offspring may not survive into adulthood. And she can only produce about 10 children during her lifetime.

This is why men's and women's sexual strategies are so different.

Men seek quantity; women seek quality.
Men seek abundance of sex, women - abundance of admirers.

This is absolutely NATURAL.

This is the reason why you are here today and alive – because your ancestors, men and women, acted true to their natural aspirations. Millions of dead ends of your species vanished into oblivion – and every single one of YOUR ancestors managed to find a sexual partner and produce an offspring that survived into adulthood.

- If your female ancestors weren't picky, you wouldn't be here today.
- If your male ancestors weren't trying to get laid at every opportunity, you might as well never be born.

STOP whining about the tricks of the opposite gender.

The battle of the sexes is the battle for the survival of HUMANITY.

We are made this way.
Accept it.

And learn to use it to your advantage!
________________________________________

To learn more about Elena Solomon and her ebook "12 Simple Rules" click here.