Painful Social Disease

There’s a social disease running rampant in this country, it’s insidious and has reached epidemic proportions. It has devastating effects on the lives of both the afflicted and the rest of us. It’s an acquired disease; kids don’t seem to have it but adults do, in ever-increasing numbers. In my opinion, due to the nature of our culture and aided and abetted by the Internet, it’s incurable! And it's preventing relationships that could be rewarding and fulfilling.

What is this horrible affliction that’s making so many people miserable? Self-righteous judgmentalism. What’s the cause? Insecurity, fear of not being “good enough”; people will grab onto any opportunity to feel superior to someone else, no matter how illogical or ridiculous it might be.

The best example of this disease is the way so many people today judge a smoker as a second-class citizen. I recently met up with three people from a Yahoo group I belong to, for a free outdoor concert. We were enjoying the company and the music in the beer garden but I started noticing one of the ladies was getting well lubricated by the beer. And she was going to be driving herself home. Well, at some point in the conversation, she blurted out that she has no respect for people who smoke – and all three of her tablemates were smokers! To her, a drunk driver is better than a smoker. Because SHE happens to be the drunk driver.

More recently, I was at a social gathering in a lounge and got to talking to a guy who seemed pretty cool. We were (naturally) talking about the ladies there and he mentioned he wouldn’t be interested in the best-looking one there because she smokes. In other words, that’s his number one criterion for selecting a woman, never mind she might be gorgeous, she might be sweet and sexy, she might be the perfect woman for him.

This is even more prevalent in women, I think. At least from my experience with online dating. He could be rich, handsome and everything she says she wants but if he smokes, he’s out. Now, I know for a fact a lot of these women drink a hell of a lot more than the “one or two” they claim in their profiles. A lot of them are lying about their age and weight, they’re using 10 year old pictures. But in their minds, they’re superior because they don’t smoke.

In the online personals age, of course, is the first criterion and there might be others used to instantly eliminate candidates: his job isn’t dignified enough or doesn’t pay enough, he has kids, etc.

Eliminating is the key here. Let’s just see how that plays out:

Okay, you don’t want to even talk to a guy who smokes: you’ve just eliminated 30% of the men in your age group (that one came first if you’re using online profiles). Then comes his “undignified” blue-collar job: there goes another 20% or so. Kids? Another percentage that will vary depending on your age. He’s lost most of his hair? Same thing. The point here – and the bottom line – is that when you use judgmental criteria to eliminate possibilities you get down to a miniscule percentage of men, maybe 10-15%. And 100% of women are all competing for the same guys!

Now, how about that 10-15%? Some of those guys might be jerks, wussy mama’s boys or whatever. Lousy lovers? If the complaints from women are any indication that’s most of that 10-15%.

And let’s face it, if the guy is that good – good enough for you - he’s probably married!

What’s left for you? Nada! Zip! But that’s okay because you’re “superior” to all of them, right? Or are you? Ask the men who are doing the same thing and see if you’re in THEIR top 10%. Oops! There’s that little detail of the 25 extra pounds you’re carrying around. But you say it’s superficial for someone to judge you based on that!

Food for thought – and it has no calories!