That question was brought up on the Road Star Riders (motorcycle) forum recently. And it brought a lot of responses, like freedom, the rush of the power at our fingertips, wind in our faces, etc.
One guy jokingly answered, “to pick up chicks.” But truth be told, he was actually the closest to the underlying reason more and more men are taking to the road on these roaring, throbbing, powerful beasts on two wheels.
The alpha male mates with more females – in any species. And in today’s society, a culture that has strived to neuter, neutralize and feminize men – and belittle us when we don’t cooperate - we don’t have many ways left to feel and express our manhood. Or to compete for alpha status.
Thousands of years ago men bonded through hunting and fighting. The best hunter or hunt leader and the best fighter became the clear winner in the alpha competition, and thus the most desirable mate for the women. Today, we bond through activities such as sports and the competition also allows us to establish our place in the “pack”. Motorcycle riding with a group or club gives us an outlet for that male activity and competition when we’re a bit long in the tooth and/or wide in the girth for sports. As a bonus, it gives us an adrenaline rush and a feeling of strength.
One might question what competition is there when a whole bunch of guys – who seem to be comrades, not competitors – ride the same kind of bike, one that’s already one of the biggest, baddest, most macho and powerful on the road. Aftermarket. Performance enhancements, chrome for show (like the male peacock, actually) and a good looking machine all make the statement we’re trying to make. They allow us to express our individual values, too. Some like a classic, clean look, some a macho stripped-down look and some just see it in terms of practicality, with accessories to make the bike comfortable for long-distance cruising. Whatever it is, it’s a statement of the personality we’re trying to project. And we drool with envy over another man’s bike if he’s done a better job of making the statement we want to make. Competition.
A lot of women like to tease or belittle men for what they call our immature, macho competition but it’s not silly or immature. If not for the male competitive spirit, you wouldn’t be living in a nice house with heat and air conditioning, you wouldn’t be driving in that nice car and talking on that cell phone you love so much. In fact, we wouldn’t have evolved at all and you probably wouldn’t be here!
And let’s not forget that women compete constantly in an effort to appear to be the most desirable mate. All that makeup and the clothes that bring out your best and cover your worst features, those are for the purpose of attracting male attention, aren’t they? Even when you’re married you do this, ladies.
Now, as to what brings women to motorcycling in increasing numbers, I can’t answer that. Other than the things like freedom, wind in the face, being one with the elements, etc. And maybe to meet men? :-)
This is my opinion, you're welcome to disagree. And comments, as always, are welcome, too.
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Sunday, November 06, 2005
What “Should Be” Versus What “Is”
idealism n 1: (philosophy) the philosophical theory that ideas are the only reality 2: impracticality by virtue of thinking of things in their ideal form rather than as they really are 3: elevated ideals or conduct; the quality of believing that ideals should be pursued
That third definition is good, it means if we’re idealists we strive for ideals in ourselves and our own lives. Where people get into trouble is living life by the other two definitions, thereby expecting others to live by the ideals we choose for ourselves. Or, more accurately, ideals someone ELSE chose for us.
Another way idealism can cause problems is when people use them as a cop-out for not succeeding or having things go their way. For example, it says in the Bible, “the meek shall inherit the Earth.” First of all, we know that’s never going to happen (taken literally anyway) because the meek don’t DO anything. Those who lead are anything but meek; look at politics and big business. If, somehow, the meek were to take over, we’d have total chaos and the human race would fail to survive.
Another place we get loaded up with idealism is in movies and books. Good always wins out over evil, the nice guy always gets the girl and they live happily ever after. In real life, nice guys finish last and they rarely get the girl. But after reading all the novels and seeing all those movies and TV shows, we grow up thinking that IS real life. So we emulate what we’ve seen, read, heard and been told: men put every effort into being “nice guys” in hopes of getting the girl and women THINK that nice guy is the one they want.
Of course, we got a lot of help from our mothers with this brand of ideal, too. They wished it was true and in trying to make life “better” for their kids, they taught their sons to be nice guys and kiss up to women and taught their daughters to expect that and gauge a man by how generous he is and how high a pedestal he puts her on.
Happily ever after? Usually, if people give in to what they think is the way it works – the way it “should be” - they end up unhappy and divorced.
If we become obsessed with expecting things to be as we’ve been taught they should be, it will lead to disappointment, disillusionment and ultimately, anger. If other people don’t live up to our false expectations, we just blame them.
Where do we see this happening over and over? Well, how about the people who don’t do well when it comes to attracting the opposite sex? The overweight woman or 5’ tall man who says: “They shouldn’t care what I look like.”
Nice idea, but we all know the day men stop caring what a woman looks like is the day women will be attracted to 5’ tall men with zero incomes. But these people find it easier, more convenient, to blame the rest of the world than to take responsibility and decide whether they care enough to do something to MAKE themselves more attractive or would rather give up on the idea of mating.
That last example is a good illustration of the difference between what we’re told should be versus our instincts – what “is”. Human nature – our instincts – is wired into the most basic part of our brain, just like every species of animal on earth. But, unlike all the other species, we have religion and society telling us we shouldn’t be that way, we should be something else. And the more we believe it, the more unhappy we become!
And THAT is the way it IS.
Comments, as always, are welcome.
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
That third definition is good, it means if we’re idealists we strive for ideals in ourselves and our own lives. Where people get into trouble is living life by the other two definitions, thereby expecting others to live by the ideals we choose for ourselves. Or, more accurately, ideals someone ELSE chose for us.
Another way idealism can cause problems is when people use them as a cop-out for not succeeding or having things go their way. For example, it says in the Bible, “the meek shall inherit the Earth.” First of all, we know that’s never going to happen (taken literally anyway) because the meek don’t DO anything. Those who lead are anything but meek; look at politics and big business. If, somehow, the meek were to take over, we’d have total chaos and the human race would fail to survive.
Another place we get loaded up with idealism is in movies and books. Good always wins out over evil, the nice guy always gets the girl and they live happily ever after. In real life, nice guys finish last and they rarely get the girl. But after reading all the novels and seeing all those movies and TV shows, we grow up thinking that IS real life. So we emulate what we’ve seen, read, heard and been told: men put every effort into being “nice guys” in hopes of getting the girl and women THINK that nice guy is the one they want.
Of course, we got a lot of help from our mothers with this brand of ideal, too. They wished it was true and in trying to make life “better” for their kids, they taught their sons to be nice guys and kiss up to women and taught their daughters to expect that and gauge a man by how generous he is and how high a pedestal he puts her on.
Happily ever after? Usually, if people give in to what they think is the way it works – the way it “should be” - they end up unhappy and divorced.
If we become obsessed with expecting things to be as we’ve been taught they should be, it will lead to disappointment, disillusionment and ultimately, anger. If other people don’t live up to our false expectations, we just blame them.
Where do we see this happening over and over? Well, how about the people who don’t do well when it comes to attracting the opposite sex? The overweight woman or 5’ tall man who says: “They shouldn’t care what I look like.”
Nice idea, but we all know the day men stop caring what a woman looks like is the day women will be attracted to 5’ tall men with zero incomes. But these people find it easier, more convenient, to blame the rest of the world than to take responsibility and decide whether they care enough to do something to MAKE themselves more attractive or would rather give up on the idea of mating.
That last example is a good illustration of the difference between what we’re told should be versus our instincts – what “is”. Human nature – our instincts – is wired into the most basic part of our brain, just like every species of animal on earth. But, unlike all the other species, we have religion and society telling us we shouldn’t be that way, we should be something else. And the more we believe it, the more unhappy we become!
And THAT is the way it IS.
Comments, as always, are welcome.
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Painful Social Disease
There’s a social disease running rampant in this country, it’s insidious and has reached epidemic proportions. It has devastating effects on the lives of both the afflicted and the rest of us. It’s an acquired disease; kids don’t seem to have it but adults do, in ever-increasing numbers. In my opinion, due to the nature of our culture and aided and abetted by the Internet, it’s incurable! And it's preventing relationships that could be rewarding and fulfilling.
What is this horrible affliction that’s making so many people miserable? Self-righteous judgmentalism. What’s the cause? Insecurity, fear of not being “good enough”; people will grab onto any opportunity to feel superior to someone else, no matter how illogical or ridiculous it might be.
The best example of this disease is the way so many people today judge a smoker as a second-class citizen. I recently met up with three people from a Yahoo group I belong to, for a free outdoor concert. We were enjoying the company and the music in the beer garden but I started noticing one of the ladies was getting well lubricated by the beer. And she was going to be driving herself home. Well, at some point in the conversation, she blurted out that she has no respect for people who smoke – and all three of her tablemates were smokers! To her, a drunk driver is better than a smoker. Because SHE happens to be the drunk driver.
More recently, I was at a social gathering in a lounge and got to talking to a guy who seemed pretty cool. We were (naturally) talking about the ladies there and he mentioned he wouldn’t be interested in the best-looking one there because she smokes. In other words, that’s his number one criterion for selecting a woman, never mind she might be gorgeous, she might be sweet and sexy, she might be the perfect woman for him.
This is even more prevalent in women, I think. At least from my experience with online dating. He could be rich, handsome and everything she says she wants but if he smokes, he’s out. Now, I know for a fact a lot of these women drink a hell of a lot more than the “one or two” they claim in their profiles. A lot of them are lying about their age and weight, they’re using 10 year old pictures. But in their minds, they’re superior because they don’t smoke.
In the online personals age, of course, is the first criterion and there might be others used to instantly eliminate candidates: his job isn’t dignified enough or doesn’t pay enough, he has kids, etc.
Eliminating is the key here. Let’s just see how that plays out:
Okay, you don’t want to even talk to a guy who smokes: you’ve just eliminated 30% of the men in your age group (that one came first if you’re using online profiles). Then comes his “undignified” blue-collar job: there goes another 20% or so. Kids? Another percentage that will vary depending on your age. He’s lost most of his hair? Same thing. The point here – and the bottom line – is that when you use judgmental criteria to eliminate possibilities you get down to a miniscule percentage of men, maybe 10-15%. And 100% of women are all competing for the same guys!
Now, how about that 10-15%? Some of those guys might be jerks, wussy mama’s boys or whatever. Lousy lovers? If the complaints from women are any indication that’s most of that 10-15%.
And let’s face it, if the guy is that good – good enough for you - he’s probably married!
What’s left for you? Nada! Zip! But that’s okay because you’re “superior” to all of them, right? Or are you? Ask the men who are doing the same thing and see if you’re in THEIR top 10%. Oops! There’s that little detail of the 25 extra pounds you’re carrying around. But you say it’s superficial for someone to judge you based on that!
Food for thought – and it has no calories!
What is this horrible affliction that’s making so many people miserable? Self-righteous judgmentalism. What’s the cause? Insecurity, fear of not being “good enough”; people will grab onto any opportunity to feel superior to someone else, no matter how illogical or ridiculous it might be.
The best example of this disease is the way so many people today judge a smoker as a second-class citizen. I recently met up with three people from a Yahoo group I belong to, for a free outdoor concert. We were enjoying the company and the music in the beer garden but I started noticing one of the ladies was getting well lubricated by the beer. And she was going to be driving herself home. Well, at some point in the conversation, she blurted out that she has no respect for people who smoke – and all three of her tablemates were smokers! To her, a drunk driver is better than a smoker. Because SHE happens to be the drunk driver.
More recently, I was at a social gathering in a lounge and got to talking to a guy who seemed pretty cool. We were (naturally) talking about the ladies there and he mentioned he wouldn’t be interested in the best-looking one there because she smokes. In other words, that’s his number one criterion for selecting a woman, never mind she might be gorgeous, she might be sweet and sexy, she might be the perfect woman for him.
This is even more prevalent in women, I think. At least from my experience with online dating. He could be rich, handsome and everything she says she wants but if he smokes, he’s out. Now, I know for a fact a lot of these women drink a hell of a lot more than the “one or two” they claim in their profiles. A lot of them are lying about their age and weight, they’re using 10 year old pictures. But in their minds, they’re superior because they don’t smoke.
In the online personals age, of course, is the first criterion and there might be others used to instantly eliminate candidates: his job isn’t dignified enough or doesn’t pay enough, he has kids, etc.
Eliminating is the key here. Let’s just see how that plays out:
Okay, you don’t want to even talk to a guy who smokes: you’ve just eliminated 30% of the men in your age group (that one came first if you’re using online profiles). Then comes his “undignified” blue-collar job: there goes another 20% or so. Kids? Another percentage that will vary depending on your age. He’s lost most of his hair? Same thing. The point here – and the bottom line – is that when you use judgmental criteria to eliminate possibilities you get down to a miniscule percentage of men, maybe 10-15%. And 100% of women are all competing for the same guys!
Now, how about that 10-15%? Some of those guys might be jerks, wussy mama’s boys or whatever. Lousy lovers? If the complaints from women are any indication that’s most of that 10-15%.
And let’s face it, if the guy is that good – good enough for you - he’s probably married!
What’s left for you? Nada! Zip! But that’s okay because you’re “superior” to all of them, right? Or are you? Ask the men who are doing the same thing and see if you’re in THEIR top 10%. Oops! There’s that little detail of the 25 extra pounds you’re carrying around. But you say it’s superficial for someone to judge you based on that!
Food for thought – and it has no calories!
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Supreme Court Nominations
I know this is off-topic but I think women really need to be concerned about the Supreme Court nominations coming from the Bush White House. Why? Because the Bush administration has been pandering to the religious right and a woman's right to choose is in danger!
The latest nominee who's causing a flap is John Roberts, who in the past has worked more in politics than in courtrooms, apparently. And the Bush administration is dragging feet releasing information about Roberts to the Senate. Well gee, doesn't that tell you Bush has something he doesn't want the Senate to know about regarding Roberts' past record and positions?
Click this link to sign an important petition being sent to Senators:
The latest nominee who's causing a flap is John Roberts, who in the past has worked more in politics than in courtrooms, apparently. And the Bush administration is dragging feet releasing information about Roberts to the Senate. Well gee, doesn't that tell you Bush has something he doesn't want the Senate to know about regarding Roberts' past record and positions?
Click this link to sign an important petition being sent to Senators:
Internet Dating for Women: Can It Work? Chapter 4
Here's the fourth and final installment of excerpts from Let's talk....Man to Woman:
Wounded bird syndrome
A lot of women will slip something into their profiles about having had negative experiences with men, a bad marriage, etc. Some of them will clearly lay all the blame at the feet of their ex’s. Bad move. The smart guy, a man with any intuition, will see that and think if he meets her he’s going to have to sit and listen to a tirade about her ex or men in general. No one likes a person with a victim mentality. Not to mention, he'd be next in line for the blame. Next profile!
“Are there any good men?”
Insult an entire gender and you shouldn’t expect a member of it to be very interested in having any kind of relationship with you. I’ve seen this used as a headline many times and at one time I was dumb enough to write to the woman and try to show her that there are some good men and I’m one of them. Pretty naïve of me, huh? See, she has such a negative opinion of men, she’s a lost cause. She’s gone through life blaming men for everything that’s gone wrong in her life and she’s not about to quit now! But she still thinks there might just be that one perfect man out there who will fix her problems instead of causing them like all the other guys have done. In reality, no one else caused her problems and no one else can fix them; she created them and will continue to do so.
Bad spelling!
In that Match.com survey the number two peeve was bad spelling and punctuation. Not only does it show a lack of literacy, it makes it look like she doesn’t care how she presents herself. It’s not that hard to type up what you want to say in a word processor with spell check and paste it in, or have a friend edit it.
I met a Russian-born lady (with less-than native English skills) on the Internet who lives in Alaska and she wasn’t having great luck with her profile on Yahoo. I copied it and opened it in Word, did a 5-minute edit and sent it back to her. She pasted it into her profile and her responses increased right away!
Free profiles all over the Internet
A lot of the dating sites (in fact I think all of them) offer a free profile and/or “search for free” and a lot of people sign up for a bunch of them. I don’t know what the thinking is because they’re not willing to pay for any of them and if you don’t pay you can’t contact anyone and usually, no one can contact you! So what’s the point? With some sites you get an email saying someone sent you a message but you can’t see who it was, with others you see who it was but can’t read or respond to the email.
As much as this is a waste of time, what’s worse is the impression it gives if a man checks out several of these sites and sees the same woman on all of them. He’ll think either she’s desperate or not very smart, neither of which is very attractive.
So what’s the point of using the Internet?
This whole idea of “finding a relationship” on a dating site is a bunch of hooey as far as I’m concerned. Yet that seems to be what people think they’re going to accomplish. The reality is a relationship either happens or it doesn’t, whether you think you’re compatible with the other person or not. Chemistry and instincts are what determine it. Can we narrow the field and maybe save some time we’d waste meeting people who aren’t anywhere near right for us? Absolutely! But you still have to meet someone – actually meet them.
When Internet dating first started the premise was that we could use it to meet people we otherwise wouldn’t have the opportunity to meet. And it works if that’s what you try to use it for. Heck, I’ve made friends all over the country and even in other countries! I’ve flown across the country to meet someone and I’ve flown a woman here from the other side of the country. Did they work out? No, but at least we took advantage of the technology and met.
___________________________________________
Comments or questions? Post them here.
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
Wounded bird syndrome
A lot of women will slip something into their profiles about having had negative experiences with men, a bad marriage, etc. Some of them will clearly lay all the blame at the feet of their ex’s. Bad move. The smart guy, a man with any intuition, will see that and think if he meets her he’s going to have to sit and listen to a tirade about her ex or men in general. No one likes a person with a victim mentality. Not to mention, he'd be next in line for the blame. Next profile!
“Are there any good men?”
Insult an entire gender and you shouldn’t expect a member of it to be very interested in having any kind of relationship with you. I’ve seen this used as a headline many times and at one time I was dumb enough to write to the woman and try to show her that there are some good men and I’m one of them. Pretty naïve of me, huh? See, she has such a negative opinion of men, she’s a lost cause. She’s gone through life blaming men for everything that’s gone wrong in her life and she’s not about to quit now! But she still thinks there might just be that one perfect man out there who will fix her problems instead of causing them like all the other guys have done. In reality, no one else caused her problems and no one else can fix them; she created them and will continue to do so.
Bad spelling!
In that Match.com survey the number two peeve was bad spelling and punctuation. Not only does it show a lack of literacy, it makes it look like she doesn’t care how she presents herself. It’s not that hard to type up what you want to say in a word processor with spell check and paste it in, or have a friend edit it.
I met a Russian-born lady (with less-than native English skills) on the Internet who lives in Alaska and she wasn’t having great luck with her profile on Yahoo. I copied it and opened it in Word, did a 5-minute edit and sent it back to her. She pasted it into her profile and her responses increased right away!
Free profiles all over the Internet
A lot of the dating sites (in fact I think all of them) offer a free profile and/or “search for free” and a lot of people sign up for a bunch of them. I don’t know what the thinking is because they’re not willing to pay for any of them and if you don’t pay you can’t contact anyone and usually, no one can contact you! So what’s the point? With some sites you get an email saying someone sent you a message but you can’t see who it was, with others you see who it was but can’t read or respond to the email.
As much as this is a waste of time, what’s worse is the impression it gives if a man checks out several of these sites and sees the same woman on all of them. He’ll think either she’s desperate or not very smart, neither of which is very attractive.
So what’s the point of using the Internet?
This whole idea of “finding a relationship” on a dating site is a bunch of hooey as far as I’m concerned. Yet that seems to be what people think they’re going to accomplish. The reality is a relationship either happens or it doesn’t, whether you think you’re compatible with the other person or not. Chemistry and instincts are what determine it. Can we narrow the field and maybe save some time we’d waste meeting people who aren’t anywhere near right for us? Absolutely! But you still have to meet someone – actually meet them.
When Internet dating first started the premise was that we could use it to meet people we otherwise wouldn’t have the opportunity to meet. And it works if that’s what you try to use it for. Heck, I’ve made friends all over the country and even in other countries! I’ve flown across the country to meet someone and I’ve flown a woman here from the other side of the country. Did they work out? No, but at least we took advantage of the technology and met.
___________________________________________
Comments or questions? Post them here.
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
Monday, July 25, 2005
Internet Dating for Women: Can It Work? Chapter 3
Here's the third installment of excerpts from Let's talk....Man to Woman:
“Love to travel”
You might like to travel and a lot of women are really looking forward to doing a lot of it. But I wouldn’t suggest saying that in a profile. Especially if it’s in a list of criteria you’re looking for in a man. I recently read one:
“You are a successful man who has the desire & means to travel.”
This was in the middle of a ridiculously long “shopping list” and to a man it smells of “gold digger” big time! What a man sees when he reads “love to travel” is:
“I want to travel and take the trips I’ve always dreamed of but can’t afford until you pay for them.”
It will eliminate about 60% of the men instantly but probably 2/3 of the women over about 45 say it. They have no idea the message they’re putting across or how self-respecting men feel about women who are after money. Do they really want a man to “buy” their attention and affection? Maybe some do, but to a man, it sounds a lot like the world’s oldest profession.
A lady pointed out to me that if a 50 year-old man wants to “buy” a trophy wife he can get a gorgeous 35 year-old. Why would he be interested in a 50-something woman who wants his money?
“Friends First”
If the shopping list screams “control freak” this one – usually used in the headline of a profile – screams it through a megaphone. Most of us know what the woman is trying to say, that she’s not going to have sex with a man right away, and to most of us that’s fine – we’ll respect that. But we’d respect it a lot more if she’d just say that! See, the problem with her announcing right up front that we have to be friends first is two-fold: First, it says that she has some pre-determined plan (or rules) laid out (a big turn-off for men) and second, a smart guy knows that once a woman puts him in the “friend” category, that’s where he’ll stay. And the smart guy will pass right on by.
Here’s one I read once: “Looking for a friend who will wine and dine me with no strings attached.” And no picture with it. Now, I don’t know about you, but I personally don’t know any men that stupid!
By the way, this tendency seems to be age-related and interestingly, geography related. Meaning it’s prevalent in some parts of the country and unheard of in others. Example: When I was active on Cupid Junction, one day they sent me 13 “matches” and 7 were in my metropolitan area. All 7 of those had an identical headline: ”Friends First!” And no picture. None of the women farther away used that line and they all had pictures.
Now, I have seen profiles that told me the woman actually believes the mushy love stories she’s seen in all those made-for-TV movies, where the nice, devoted friend who stands by her through all her problems ends up being her lover. But it doesn’t work like that in real life very often, does it? In reality, it takes you about 30 seconds to put a man into one of three categories: a friend with no romantic interest, a possible mate you’re interested in and the oh-so-rare, gotta-have-this-one!
Come up with a simple, friendly and catchy headline then in the text of the profile say you’re more comfortable with a man who’s willing to spend some time getting to know each other before getting intimate. That will get the point across without running off the guys you want to meet. Those men will respect you!
___________________________________________
Now, if you put the two mistakes here together in one profile - which thousands of women do - what it says to a man is you want him to spend a lot of money on you with no reciprocation or guarantee of any kind of close relationship. It also says that unless he has money and is willing to spend it on your whims - with no strings attached - you aren't interested in knowing him. What kind of man is THAT going to attract?
Another one that will make a lot of men - the kind of man you'd probably like to have - chuckle is the woman who says in her headline "Just looking for a friend" but then goes on to describe her "ideal" mate. Sometimes she actually has a good idea of the kind of man she really wants, too! But that will probably run him off.
As alway, comments and questions are welcome.
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
“Love to travel”
You might like to travel and a lot of women are really looking forward to doing a lot of it. But I wouldn’t suggest saying that in a profile. Especially if it’s in a list of criteria you’re looking for in a man. I recently read one:
“You are a successful man who has the desire & means to travel.”
This was in the middle of a ridiculously long “shopping list” and to a man it smells of “gold digger” big time! What a man sees when he reads “love to travel” is:
“I want to travel and take the trips I’ve always dreamed of but can’t afford until you pay for them.”
It will eliminate about 60% of the men instantly but probably 2/3 of the women over about 45 say it. They have no idea the message they’re putting across or how self-respecting men feel about women who are after money. Do they really want a man to “buy” their attention and affection? Maybe some do, but to a man, it sounds a lot like the world’s oldest profession.
A lady pointed out to me that if a 50 year-old man wants to “buy” a trophy wife he can get a gorgeous 35 year-old. Why would he be interested in a 50-something woman who wants his money?
“Friends First”
If the shopping list screams “control freak” this one – usually used in the headline of a profile – screams it through a megaphone. Most of us know what the woman is trying to say, that she’s not going to have sex with a man right away, and to most of us that’s fine – we’ll respect that. But we’d respect it a lot more if she’d just say that! See, the problem with her announcing right up front that we have to be friends first is two-fold: First, it says that she has some pre-determined plan (or rules) laid out (a big turn-off for men) and second, a smart guy knows that once a woman puts him in the “friend” category, that’s where he’ll stay. And the smart guy will pass right on by.
Here’s one I read once: “Looking for a friend who will wine and dine me with no strings attached.” And no picture with it. Now, I don’t know about you, but I personally don’t know any men that stupid!
By the way, this tendency seems to be age-related and interestingly, geography related. Meaning it’s prevalent in some parts of the country and unheard of in others. Example: When I was active on Cupid Junction, one day they sent me 13 “matches” and 7 were in my metropolitan area. All 7 of those had an identical headline: ”Friends First!” And no picture. None of the women farther away used that line and they all had pictures.
Now, I have seen profiles that told me the woman actually believes the mushy love stories she’s seen in all those made-for-TV movies, where the nice, devoted friend who stands by her through all her problems ends up being her lover. But it doesn’t work like that in real life very often, does it? In reality, it takes you about 30 seconds to put a man into one of three categories: a friend with no romantic interest, a possible mate you’re interested in and the oh-so-rare, gotta-have-this-one!
Come up with a simple, friendly and catchy headline then in the text of the profile say you’re more comfortable with a man who’s willing to spend some time getting to know each other before getting intimate. That will get the point across without running off the guys you want to meet. Those men will respect you!
___________________________________________
Now, if you put the two mistakes here together in one profile - which thousands of women do - what it says to a man is you want him to spend a lot of money on you with no reciprocation or guarantee of any kind of close relationship. It also says that unless he has money and is willing to spend it on your whims - with no strings attached - you aren't interested in knowing him. What kind of man is THAT going to attract?
Another one that will make a lot of men - the kind of man you'd probably like to have - chuckle is the woman who says in her headline "Just looking for a friend" but then goes on to describe her "ideal" mate. Sometimes she actually has a good idea of the kind of man she really wants, too! But that will probably run him off.
As alway, comments and questions are welcome.
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Internet Dating for Women: Can It Work? Chapter 2
This is the second installment on Internet dating, excerpted from my book, "Let's talk....Man to Woman"
___________________________________
A “Full Life”
A lot of women seem to think men are attracted to them if they talk about how full and busy their lives are: “I lead a full, busy life. I like to spend my free time with family and friends. I do volunteer work, ski, play tennis and golf. I also have a demanding career.” Okay, why would a man be interested in a woman who doesn’t have time for him? Enough said about that.
“Fishing”
Most dating sites want you to list a bunch of your favorite activities and I‘ve seen a lot of women list things like fishing, hunting, camping, watching sports, etc. Things men like to do. Do these women really want to go hunting and camping? I think they’re just listing some of these hoping to look more attractive to the men who do them – “fishing” with a net for something he’ll think they have in common. One reason I suspect this is that a lot of men do the same thing. It’s human nature to say what you think will sell.
The funny part about this tactic is a guy doesn’t usually want to take his wife or girlfriend hunting, anyway! He does that with his buddies, same as golfing.
Long list of parameters or criteria
Most women list all these criteria and parameters they’re looking for, a wish list of things they require in someone before they’ll even meet them. First of all, it narrows the field down to about nothing sometimes and second, if there’s no unconscious attraction there’s no relationship. What if you narrow it down to one guy, then find out he’s a jerk? Or more likely, some a** kissing wuss without a life of his own.
Choosing who you’re going to meet – and by extension, fall in love with – using a list of parameters is totally unheard of in the “real” world outside of online dating. What did we do before it became so popular? Did we have our age stamped on our foreheads? Did we wear a label that says, “I have 2 kids and one lives with me”? I think people who try to use Internet dating sites as their only or preferred way of meeting someone have lost touch with reality. Yeah, I did that for a while and it happened to me! And we become so attached to the idea of custom-ordering someone to meet, finding the perfect person before meeting him or her, we start to get jaded when it doesn’t happen that way.
Look, when a woman has a long shopping list it says very bad things about her to men. One, it says she assumes every guy is going to fall all over himself to win her (yeah, even 50-something, overweight women with no pictures do this), two, it says she really believes she can be that picky and three, it just screams “control freak” to us.
_____________________________________
Our culture has taught you what you "should" be attracted to in a mate and so have your past experiences - your disappointments. But "should" and "are" are two very different things. The real problem is, over the years men have listened to women talking about what you think you want and have adapted accordingly, into exactly what you DON'T want! Some guys have figured it out, that when you actually meet the man you describe as your ideal you either dump him completely or put him in the "let's just be friends" category and go looking for another one just like him!
My suggestion would be to get in touch with your instincts, read a book or two on the subject, and figure out what it is that really attracts you to a man.
Comments or questions are always welcome and appreciated.
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
___________________________________
A “Full Life”
A lot of women seem to think men are attracted to them if they talk about how full and busy their lives are: “I lead a full, busy life. I like to spend my free time with family and friends. I do volunteer work, ski, play tennis and golf. I also have a demanding career.” Okay, why would a man be interested in a woman who doesn’t have time for him? Enough said about that.
“Fishing”
Most dating sites want you to list a bunch of your favorite activities and I‘ve seen a lot of women list things like fishing, hunting, camping, watching sports, etc. Things men like to do. Do these women really want to go hunting and camping? I think they’re just listing some of these hoping to look more attractive to the men who do them – “fishing” with a net for something he’ll think they have in common. One reason I suspect this is that a lot of men do the same thing. It’s human nature to say what you think will sell.
The funny part about this tactic is a guy doesn’t usually want to take his wife or girlfriend hunting, anyway! He does that with his buddies, same as golfing.
Long list of parameters or criteria
Most women list all these criteria and parameters they’re looking for, a wish list of things they require in someone before they’ll even meet them. First of all, it narrows the field down to about nothing sometimes and second, if there’s no unconscious attraction there’s no relationship. What if you narrow it down to one guy, then find out he’s a jerk? Or more likely, some a** kissing wuss without a life of his own.
Choosing who you’re going to meet – and by extension, fall in love with – using a list of parameters is totally unheard of in the “real” world outside of online dating. What did we do before it became so popular? Did we have our age stamped on our foreheads? Did we wear a label that says, “I have 2 kids and one lives with me”? I think people who try to use Internet dating sites as their only or preferred way of meeting someone have lost touch with reality. Yeah, I did that for a while and it happened to me! And we become so attached to the idea of custom-ordering someone to meet, finding the perfect person before meeting him or her, we start to get jaded when it doesn’t happen that way.
Look, when a woman has a long shopping list it says very bad things about her to men. One, it says she assumes every guy is going to fall all over himself to win her (yeah, even 50-something, overweight women with no pictures do this), two, it says she really believes she can be that picky and three, it just screams “control freak” to us.
_____________________________________
Our culture has taught you what you "should" be attracted to in a mate and so have your past experiences - your disappointments. But "should" and "are" are two very different things. The real problem is, over the years men have listened to women talking about what you think you want and have adapted accordingly, into exactly what you DON'T want! Some guys have figured it out, that when you actually meet the man you describe as your ideal you either dump him completely or put him in the "let's just be friends" category and go looking for another one just like him!
My suggestion would be to get in touch with your instincts, read a book or two on the subject, and figure out what it is that really attracts you to a man.
Comments or questions are always welcome and appreciated.
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Internet Dating for Women: Can It Work?
Starting today, I'm going to post excerpts from my book, the chapter on Internet dating, with one or two tips per post. Enjoy and hopefully learn! :-)
Internet Dating: Can I Make It Work?
In a word: maybe. Considering how many hundreds of thousands of people are trying to use dating sites to meet Mr. or Ms. Right, those few radio ads for eharmony.com are but a tiny spit in the ocean of failures. If I were to take a wild guess I’d say probably 99.99% of the people on these sites are unsuccessful. I’m basing this on:
So let’s go through a list of things women are doing in their profiles that don’t work, some of which men simply know isn’t honest and some of which really tick us off or run us off. And by the way, a man with integrity and self-respect – the man you want to meet – will pass if he senses any dishonesty.
No picture or an old picture
Match.com did a survey and found that far and away the number one peeve is profiles without photos. Basically, no photo, no responses – or not many, at least. But sometimes it’s worse when they use an old one – it’s dishonest and no one wants to meet a dishonest person. Yeah, I know, some men do this too but I’m not here to coach men, am I? (Although I do that, too)
I’ve personally met women I couldn’t possibly recognize from the picture in their profile. Or maybe I recognized her face but her picture gave me no inkling that she was 80 pounds overweight. In the case of old pictures, that’s often the reason they use them: they don’t want men to know how much weight they’ve gained in the last 10 years so they use a 10 year old picture! Really, no one cares what someone looked like 10 years ago.
Now, what do you suppose a man’s reaction is going to be when he meets someone who looks 10 years older and 50 pounds heavier than he expected? Guaranteed disappointment! Not to mention, he’s ticked off because he was deliberately misled. I’ve known some guys who will just walk out on a date when that happens – and I can’t blame them!
Lying about age and/or weight
This is often combined with the no picture/old picture scam. I doubt this is going on much with younger women but it seems like after some magic age it becomes so commonplace, we men half expect it! The problem with lying is, the truth eventually comes out and the guy’s going to be really pissed off when it does.
A friend of mine (he’s 59 but in excellent shape and looks younger) told me about a lady he met on Match.com – he was actually pretty excited about her after a couple of phone conversations with her. For their first meeting she invited him over to her house for dinner and not many women are that trusting! Well, in her profile she said she was 56 but when he was at her house she admitted to being 63. With hardly a word he got up and walked out. Can you blame him?
The real killer about this lying and misleading is some of these women who do this are adamant in their profiles that they want an honest man, some even questioning if such a man exists! Excuse me?
__________________________________
I've heard and read countless complaints from women about how men in online dating mislead or outright lie in their profiles but the truth is, women do it, too! I'm going to guess in at least equal amounts.
In my own efforts to use online dating sites I came to an interesting conclusion: Even though most women say they want to meet an honest man, the more honest I've been in my profiles the less interest I've gotten!
__________________________________
As always, your comments are not only welcome but appreciated.
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
Internet Dating: Can I Make It Work?
In a word: maybe. Considering how many hundreds of thousands of people are trying to use dating sites to meet Mr. or Ms. Right, those few radio ads for eharmony.com are but a tiny spit in the ocean of failures. If I were to take a wild guess I’d say probably 99.99% of the people on these sites are unsuccessful. I’m basing this on:
- My experience trying off and on for probably three years
- The experiences of friends, acquaintances and the women I’ve met and become friends with online (mostly long distance)
- The hundreds of women I see on site after site, month after month and even year after year, still doing the same things
So let’s go through a list of things women are doing in their profiles that don’t work, some of which men simply know isn’t honest and some of which really tick us off or run us off. And by the way, a man with integrity and self-respect – the man you want to meet – will pass if he senses any dishonesty.
No picture or an old picture
Match.com did a survey and found that far and away the number one peeve is profiles without photos. Basically, no photo, no responses – or not many, at least. But sometimes it’s worse when they use an old one – it’s dishonest and no one wants to meet a dishonest person. Yeah, I know, some men do this too but I’m not here to coach men, am I? (Although I do that, too)
I’ve personally met women I couldn’t possibly recognize from the picture in their profile. Or maybe I recognized her face but her picture gave me no inkling that she was 80 pounds overweight. In the case of old pictures, that’s often the reason they use them: they don’t want men to know how much weight they’ve gained in the last 10 years so they use a 10 year old picture! Really, no one cares what someone looked like 10 years ago.
Now, what do you suppose a man’s reaction is going to be when he meets someone who looks 10 years older and 50 pounds heavier than he expected? Guaranteed disappointment! Not to mention, he’s ticked off because he was deliberately misled. I’ve known some guys who will just walk out on a date when that happens – and I can’t blame them!
Lying about age and/or weight
This is often combined with the no picture/old picture scam. I doubt this is going on much with younger women but it seems like after some magic age it becomes so commonplace, we men half expect it! The problem with lying is, the truth eventually comes out and the guy’s going to be really pissed off when it does.
A friend of mine (he’s 59 but in excellent shape and looks younger) told me about a lady he met on Match.com – he was actually pretty excited about her after a couple of phone conversations with her. For their first meeting she invited him over to her house for dinner and not many women are that trusting! Well, in her profile she said she was 56 but when he was at her house she admitted to being 63. With hardly a word he got up and walked out. Can you blame him?
The real killer about this lying and misleading is some of these women who do this are adamant in their profiles that they want an honest man, some even questioning if such a man exists! Excuse me?
__________________________________
I've heard and read countless complaints from women about how men in online dating mislead or outright lie in their profiles but the truth is, women do it, too! I'm going to guess in at least equal amounts.
In my own efforts to use online dating sites I came to an interesting conclusion: Even though most women say they want to meet an honest man, the more honest I've been in my profiles the less interest I've gotten!
__________________________________
As always, your comments are not only welcome but appreciated.
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Are All Men Dishonest?
I was reading a lady’s blog on myspace.com and she said she was about to give up on men, something to the effect that men are dishonest. We hear and see that so often, to men it’s a sad, sick joke. Almost any man will say that most women lie all the time!
I’m a firm believer that what you project you will attract, or call it karma if you’d rather. The point is, if you’re dishonest, people will be dishonest with you. If you’re honest, you’ll attract honesty. And if your perspective is that men aren't honest you'll be imagining lies where there aren't any. You'll never trust a man and without trust you simply can NOT have a healthy relationship.
We see it all the time in online personals, women bemoaning the lack of honest men, while they lie about their age or weight (or both) or use a 5-10 year old picture. It’s so commonplace that men in my age group expect it! But as we all know, the problem with lying is that eventually the truth comes out, right? And the person you’re meeting I can guarantee will be disappointed – at LEAST! Try pissed off, disillusioned, angry, whatever. Just as YOU would be if he did it.
You want to know the real downside of a woman questioning the honesty of men in general? She's blown her chance with honest men! Why? Well, no honest man with integrity wants to be with a woman who will always assume he's lying, a woman who will never trust him. It's not worth it!
I was just telling a lady who wrote for advice on her “boyfriend” that the two occasions when a man is most likely to lie or mislead is when he wants to get into your pants and when he wants to keep you around, assuming he thinks the truth won’t work. Well, that’s something we seem to have in common with you women: you’re most likely to lie when it comes to affairs of the heart, too. When you want a man to be interested and when you want to keep him around.
I recently read an article about lying in our culture, how it’s gotten so mainstream. I think that’s sad!
Oh, by the way, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Ready? A man can usually tell when a woman lies to him. I’m not going to tell you how because we like having that advantage.:-)
I’m a firm believer that what you project you will attract, or call it karma if you’d rather. The point is, if you’re dishonest, people will be dishonest with you. If you’re honest, you’ll attract honesty. And if your perspective is that men aren't honest you'll be imagining lies where there aren't any. You'll never trust a man and without trust you simply can NOT have a healthy relationship.
We see it all the time in online personals, women bemoaning the lack of honest men, while they lie about their age or weight (or both) or use a 5-10 year old picture. It’s so commonplace that men in my age group expect it! But as we all know, the problem with lying is that eventually the truth comes out, right? And the person you’re meeting I can guarantee will be disappointed – at LEAST! Try pissed off, disillusioned, angry, whatever. Just as YOU would be if he did it.
You want to know the real downside of a woman questioning the honesty of men in general? She's blown her chance with honest men! Why? Well, no honest man with integrity wants to be with a woman who will always assume he's lying, a woman who will never trust him. It's not worth it!
I was just telling a lady who wrote for advice on her “boyfriend” that the two occasions when a man is most likely to lie or mislead is when he wants to get into your pants and when he wants to keep you around, assuming he thinks the truth won’t work. Well, that’s something we seem to have in common with you women: you’re most likely to lie when it comes to affairs of the heart, too. When you want a man to be interested and when you want to keep him around.
I recently read an article about lying in our culture, how it’s gotten so mainstream. I think that’s sad!
Oh, by the way, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Ready? A man can usually tell when a woman lies to him. I’m not going to tell you how because we like having that advantage.:-)
Friday, July 01, 2005
Why More Men Don't Satisfy Their Lovers
A couple of posts back I talked about the things a woman needs to feel fulfilled in a relationship and the last one was great sex. Lots of it. As someone I read recently put it, "mind-blowing sex." I'm feeling a little controversial today so let's talk about that and why it's so hard to find a man who can and will do that.
First off, growing up no one is there to teach us or even TELL us anything about sex and how to please a woman, we're just expected to know these things. And no one tells us how important it is because everyone's too busy maintaining the social taboo and making us ashamed to think about it, let alone do it. On top of that, boys grow up with the idea that women don't WANT or ENJOY sex. So we get into our first intimate relationships misguided and totally blind.
Guess what? Our first few partners are stuck either with the task of teaching us how to satisfy them or putting up with lousy sex. And unfortunately, a lot of women (especially young women) don't know much themselves so they choose the latter choice (by default?) and a lot of them simply fake orgasms. This obviously doesn't teach a man anything - he thinks he's doing fine!
If a man is lucky, he has relationships with one or two women early on who have had relationships with good lovers and they teach him; if a woman has never had mind-blowing orgasms, she doesn't even know what she's looking for, just "something" better. But most men aren't so lucky - they've never had a partner who thrashes around on the bed, whose eyes roll back in her head, who screams or who shakes uncontrollably for several minutes afterward. Any one of those experiences, for a man, is a definite "Aha!" moment and he probably loves it.
The feeling of power a man gets when he can give his partner bigger and better orgasms is nirvana! It's addictive. It builds confidence and self-esteem. It makes him feel like a better man. Why? Because instinctively most men want to satisfy their mate, to give her powerful orgasms. It's part of the evolutionary process, amazingly: if a woman has an orgasm during intercourse, preferable about the same time the man does, she's more likely to become pregnant (assuming she's ovulating and not using birth control, obviously).
See, there are powerful reasons for our instincts when it comes to mating and sex, it's not just random stuff going on. I talk more in depth about this in my ebook, which can be purchased here.
Okay, we've covered the "can" part of "can and will" now let's all wonder about the "will" part. Personally, I can't understand why some men just don't care to satisfy their mates/lovers. I'd guess it starts with a low self-esteem and probably a lot of shame from his early years. A twisted sense he was given of what making love is all about. But boy, are those guys missing out or what? To me, a woman's orgasm has got to be about the best thing going!
As always, your comments are welcome.
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
First off, growing up no one is there to teach us or even TELL us anything about sex and how to please a woman, we're just expected to know these things. And no one tells us how important it is because everyone's too busy maintaining the social taboo and making us ashamed to think about it, let alone do it. On top of that, boys grow up with the idea that women don't WANT or ENJOY sex. So we get into our first intimate relationships misguided and totally blind.
Guess what? Our first few partners are stuck either with the task of teaching us how to satisfy them or putting up with lousy sex. And unfortunately, a lot of women (especially young women) don't know much themselves so they choose the latter choice (by default?) and a lot of them simply fake orgasms. This obviously doesn't teach a man anything - he thinks he's doing fine!
If a man is lucky, he has relationships with one or two women early on who have had relationships with good lovers and they teach him; if a woman has never had mind-blowing orgasms, she doesn't even know what she's looking for, just "something" better. But most men aren't so lucky - they've never had a partner who thrashes around on the bed, whose eyes roll back in her head, who screams or who shakes uncontrollably for several minutes afterward. Any one of those experiences, for a man, is a definite "Aha!" moment and he probably loves it.
The feeling of power a man gets when he can give his partner bigger and better orgasms is nirvana! It's addictive. It builds confidence and self-esteem. It makes him feel like a better man. Why? Because instinctively most men want to satisfy their mate, to give her powerful orgasms. It's part of the evolutionary process, amazingly: if a woman has an orgasm during intercourse, preferable about the same time the man does, she's more likely to become pregnant (assuming she's ovulating and not using birth control, obviously).
See, there are powerful reasons for our instincts when it comes to mating and sex, it's not just random stuff going on. I talk more in depth about this in my ebook, which can be purchased here.
Okay, we've covered the "can" part of "can and will" now let's all wonder about the "will" part. Personally, I can't understand why some men just don't care to satisfy their mates/lovers. I'd guess it starts with a low self-esteem and probably a lot of shame from his early years. A twisted sense he was given of what making love is all about. But boy, are those guys missing out or what? To me, a woman's orgasm has got to be about the best thing going!
As always, your comments are welcome.
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
Monday, June 20, 2005
What Do Women Need?
This is from a man named David Shade ( http://www.masterful-lover.com/ ), who teaches men how to satisfy women:
_______________________________________
Women may not know it, and most of them certainly cannot articulate it, but women need four things in order to be fulfilled.
There Are Four Important Things A Woman Needs
First, she needs to feel appreciated for the unique individual that she is. She needs to feel special, unlike any other woman. And she needs to know that her man supports her in her endeavors.
Second, she needs to feel that deep intimate emotional connection. She needs to have that emotional intimacy with her man. It's a connection she shares only with him.
Third, she needs to feel like a woman. She needs to feel beautiful, sexy, and feminine. She needs to enjoy all those things that comes with being a woman.
And finally, she needs hot passionate sex. She needs to be seduced, enticed, teased, and satisfied, over and over again. She needs to experience new things, in new ways, including fantasies and roles. It makes her feel alive.
If Only She Could Have All That She Needs
A woman is most fulfilled when she is with a man that she has everything with. When all four things are there, it makes each thing even more powerful. That is when she is with a man that she is wildly crazy about.
Imagine if she could meet a man who easily met all of her needs. A man who made her feel appreciated. A man who evokes a deep powerful emotional connection with her. A man who makes her feel feminine and womanly and sexy. A man who gives her hot passionate sex. It's the kind of thing women dream about.
____________________________________
So, what do you think? Agree, disagree? The interesting thing is these are almost identical to the major needs of a man in an intimate relationship/partnership. Well, except you have to substitute "man" for "woman" obviously. :-)
Believe it or not, the hardest of these for a lot of men to see is the fourth one: hot, passionate sex. Due to what we were taught growing up and because of our previous experiences, it's hard for many of us to imagine that women actually WANT sex! And even when we know in our logical minds that you do, there's still that voice in the back of our minds that says women are too pure to enjoy wild sex and fantasies. We also have trouble grasping that what women really want is a man who takes the lead and is his own man. After all, we've always heard (starting with our mothers) that we should defer to women and put them on a pedestal.
Your comments are welcome. And I highly recommend David's site and ebook if you've got a partner who is clueless about how to really make you feel like the woman you want to be.
Owen Johnson
coach@man2woman.net
_______________________________________
Women may not know it, and most of them certainly cannot articulate it, but women need four things in order to be fulfilled.
There Are Four Important Things A Woman Needs
First, she needs to feel appreciated for the unique individual that she is. She needs to feel special, unlike any other woman. And she needs to know that her man supports her in her endeavors.
Second, she needs to feel that deep intimate emotional connection. She needs to have that emotional intimacy with her man. It's a connection she shares only with him.
Third, she needs to feel like a woman. She needs to feel beautiful, sexy, and feminine. She needs to enjoy all those things that comes with being a woman.
And finally, she needs hot passionate sex. She needs to be seduced, enticed, teased, and satisfied, over and over again. She needs to experience new things, in new ways, including fantasies and roles. It makes her feel alive.
If Only She Could Have All That She Needs
A woman is most fulfilled when she is with a man that she has everything with. When all four things are there, it makes each thing even more powerful. That is when she is with a man that she is wildly crazy about.
Imagine if she could meet a man who easily met all of her needs. A man who made her feel appreciated. A man who evokes a deep powerful emotional connection with her. A man who makes her feel feminine and womanly and sexy. A man who gives her hot passionate sex. It's the kind of thing women dream about.
____________________________________
So, what do you think? Agree, disagree? The interesting thing is these are almost identical to the major needs of a man in an intimate relationship/partnership. Well, except you have to substitute "man" for "woman" obviously. :-)
Believe it or not, the hardest of these for a lot of men to see is the fourth one: hot, passionate sex. Due to what we were taught growing up and because of our previous experiences, it's hard for many of us to imagine that women actually WANT sex! And even when we know in our logical minds that you do, there's still that voice in the back of our minds that says women are too pure to enjoy wild sex and fantasies. We also have trouble grasping that what women really want is a man who takes the lead and is his own man. After all, we've always heard (starting with our mothers) that we should defer to women and put them on a pedestal.
Your comments are welcome. And I highly recommend David's site and ebook if you've got a partner who is clueless about how to really make you feel like the woman you want to be.
Owen Johnson
coach@man2woman.net
Monday, June 13, 2005
Introduction
Do you wish you understood men?
Fact: We men wish we could understand women, too! And boy, do
we ever wish you understood us! But if you're like most women, most of your
life you've been hearing from other women what men want, how we think and
what we're like. And if those women are like most women, that's
where they got it, too!
Do you think maybe you could have more healthy and fulfilling relationships with men if you understood us?
Fact: If you learn to understand the truth about men, you can
toss out the common ideas and stereotypes you've always heard and really
relate to real people.
Do you wish you could communicate better with men and we could
understand you better?
Fact: Communication is usually what will make or break a
relationship and communicating is so much easier if we understand each
other's languages.
Have you been frustrated most of your life because you can't figure
out how men think?
Fact: Men can't figure out how women think, either. And since
our brains are different it's pretty unlikely men or women will
figure it out without help from each other.
Are you confused about what men really want?
Fact: Most men want the same thing you do - a healthy, happy
and fulfilling relationship.
I know, that last one probably isn't what you've always heard. But it's
the truth! We have emotional needs, too, and they can only be satisfied by a
mate.
Owen Johnson
coach@man2woman.net
www.man2woman.net
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