We've all heard about guys going through the dreaded "midlife crisis." Or "male menopause" as women like to call it. Usually this involves a guy who hits a certain age, and suddenly feels the urge to look and act more youthful. The cliché is the middle-aged guy who goes out and splurges on a new sports car.
Evolutionary psychologists believe the "midlife crisis" is real, but it happens for reasons you wouldn't expect. It’s not because the man has reached middle age; it’s because his wife has. The midlife crisis is triggered because his wife is about to enter (or has entered) menopause, meaning she can no longer reproduce.
This in turn makes the man feel a renewed need to attract younger women, in order to have a way to continue producing offspring.
On a conscious level, the middle-aged guy usually doesn't have any interest in having more kids. But on a deeper, primal level, he is being driven to pursue this.
He’s probably not thinking to himself, “Hmm... My wife is getting too old to bear children, so I’d better go out there and find a fertile young hottie.” But his primitive needs are telling him to do so.
A 50-year-old guy married to a 25-year-old woman probably won't experience a midlife crisis. But a 25-year-old guy married to a 50-year-old woman probably will.
So, the midlife crisis really doesn't have anything to do with the man reaching a certain age. It’s about the age of his partner.
While we're at it, here’s another interesting factoid:
The famed "Seven Year Itch" has actually been researched and found to be false.
It's a THREE year itch.
Most couples that have not had a child after 3 years start to feel the pull towards other sexual partners because the union has not resulted in the bearing of a child. Our minds turn off to that person on a certain level because they haven't proven themselves as fertile.
Owen Johnson
The owner of the web site and blog "Let's" Talk....Man to Woman" and author of an ebook with the same title, Owen helps women to understand men better - how men think, what men want and how men communicate - so they can enjoy happy, healthy relationships with men.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Happy Father's Day!
Father's Day is a good time to remember that men, just like women, have a need to feel appreciated. In fact, for many people, it's the only day of the year a man DOES feel appreciated and then only if he's a father! And, unfortunately, even then some of us are left wanting; I think there were two years my then-teenage daughter ignored the occasion completely and that hurt, take my word for it!
If your father is alive, celebrate him. If he's not, as mine is not, remember him with love and recall the good times. If you're married with kids, show your husband what it means to you to have him as the father to your children. Encourage the kids to shower him with love and appreciation.
Now here's an idea I bet very few people think of and consider doing: If you're a divorced mom, do something to show your ex-husband - the father of your children - that you appreciate his efforts at BEING a father.
A funny thing about men (heck, women are the same) is that if we're shown that we're appreciated for our efforts it makes us try that much harder to do a good job! Whether it's at work, in a relationship or marriage or being a dad, encouragement is like a magic potion for our souls. It's much-needed fuel to keep us going.
I like to say that love is something we have inside; it's not something someone brings us, it's something they bring OUT of us. And the reason we like being loved and in love is what it brings out of us is our best and we like the warm, fuzzy, glowing feeling of being the best person we can be.
The same is true with feeling valued and appreciated: it brings out our best characteristics and makes us WANT to give back, to try that much harder to be the best we can be. It also makes us feel a whole lot better about the person who made us feel that way.
The point here is, if you want an amicable relationship with your ex, the father of the kids you both love, make it happen on this special day. Give him a call and tell him that no matter what, you appreciate him for being a father and for giving you the wonderful opportunity to be a mother to those kids.
To my fellow dads out there, Happy Father's Day!
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
Let's Talk....Man to Woman/
If your father is alive, celebrate him. If he's not, as mine is not, remember him with love and recall the good times. If you're married with kids, show your husband what it means to you to have him as the father to your children. Encourage the kids to shower him with love and appreciation.
Now here's an idea I bet very few people think of and consider doing: If you're a divorced mom, do something to show your ex-husband - the father of your children - that you appreciate his efforts at BEING a father.
A funny thing about men (heck, women are the same) is that if we're shown that we're appreciated for our efforts it makes us try that much harder to do a good job! Whether it's at work, in a relationship or marriage or being a dad, encouragement is like a magic potion for our souls. It's much-needed fuel to keep us going.
I like to say that love is something we have inside; it's not something someone brings us, it's something they bring OUT of us. And the reason we like being loved and in love is what it brings out of us is our best and we like the warm, fuzzy, glowing feeling of being the best person we can be.
The same is true with feeling valued and appreciated: it brings out our best characteristics and makes us WANT to give back, to try that much harder to be the best we can be. It also makes us feel a whole lot better about the person who made us feel that way.
The point here is, if you want an amicable relationship with your ex, the father of the kids you both love, make it happen on this special day. Give him a call and tell him that no matter what, you appreciate him for being a father and for giving you the wonderful opportunity to be a mother to those kids.
To my fellow dads out there, Happy Father's Day!
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
Let's Talk....Man to Woman/
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Keys to Bliss
A few days ago in my post titled Missing Role Models, I mentioned Scot McKay and his work helping guys to be the kind of man women really want. Well, it's time to introduce his wife, Emily, and her work helping women to be more successful in meeting, dating and having a healthy relationship with a man (or men). Ladies, I think it would be a smart idea to visit Emily's web site and even smarter to at least sign up for her newsletter. Or maybe buy one of her programs! Keys To Bliss
You can also find more programs from Emily on my web site at:
http://man2woman.net/suggested_reading.html
Owen
www.man2woman.net
You can also find more programs from Emily on my web site at:
http://man2woman.net/suggested_reading.html
Owen
www.man2woman.net
The Fattening of America
I know you’ve noticed it, everyone in this country has. And if statistics count for anything, there’s about a 50/50 chance you’re part of it. What is it? The fattening of America.
Not long ago, I heard a brief intro to a story on All Things Considered, the daily program on NPR (unfortunately I didn’t get to hear the whole story when it aired because I was at work). It was stated that either 50 or 60 percent (don’t remember exactly, but who cares? It’s bad) of Americans are now overweight and that of those, 30% have reached the level of obesity. In medical terms, that’s the danger zone. To the rest of us, it’s when we shake our heads and wonder how someone can let themselves get so friggin’ fat that they have trouble walking, getting into a car or onto a bus. Forget armchairs or airplane seats.
Obesity causes all kinds of medical problems, such as diabetes, heart disease and of course, joint and back problems. These people often become cripples, can’t work and their problems become society’s problems. Then they die young. What causes it? I don’t know. Why is the problem getting worse? I don’t know that, either. But we know there’s a lot of food consumption involved and that’s voluntary.
Okay, let’s get to the more common issue of people being overweight without reaching the point of morbid obesity. We see this constantly, everywhere we go. And where I live, it’s at least two times more common in women. I would estimate that about half the women I see in my area carry on the average 25-30 pounds of excess fat, excess to the point of what I’d call unattractive. And, of course, the amount seems to increase with age; teenage girls around here are “rounder” than they used to be and too many women in their 40’s are sporting rolls.
What’s causing this trend?
Simply put: diet. Surveys in recent years have shown that fewer and fewer people are actually cooking their meals the way my mother did – from scratch. The last study I read about concluded that fewer than half the meals served to families in their homes are actually made from “real” food – they’re mostly take-out, prepared frozen foods and the like. In other words, you get the ingredients someone else puts in and they put them in to make money, with absolutely no regard for your health. And to make money, they use more and more artificial ingredients, chemicals and seasonings to make theirs taste better than the competition while maximizing their profits. The most common: MSG.
Mono Sodium Glutamate
For reasons that appear to be more political than anything else, MSG entered the food supply without the agreement of the US Food and Drug Administration. And it’s in virtually ALL prepared foods, fast foods and take-out meals. Colonel Sanders used to advertise his “secret blend of 11 herbs and spices” before his company was bought by a conglomerate. Now the Kentucky Fried Chicken “blend” consists of pepper and MSG. Tastes great, doesn’t it?
You’re not safe in the grocery store, either. For reasons I can’t fathom, food companies are allowed to use many different names for MSG so you can’t spot it on the label: “natural seasonings”, “natural flavors” and “spices” being a few of the more common. I even found the word “spices” on a bottle of horseradish! Come on, what IS horseradish if NOT a spice by itself? “Dangerous, artificial, flavor enhancing chemical” is what it should say. Anyway, just try to find a bottle of salad dressing without it. It’s not easy!
Like a lot of people, I react to too much MSG – no matter what they’re calling it. It makes me feel like I drank WAAAYYY too much coffee. So I did some research into it and discovered that MSG apparently can also make you fat! In a lab, if they need rats to be fat, they inject them with MSG when they’re young and from then on, the rats are fat. Without some artificial means, you can’t make a rat get fat – by nature, rats only consume enough food to maintain their ideal body weight.
So, are you getting my connection here? In the years that MSG has been used more and more, and people have been eating more and more processed foods, the weight problems more and more people are experiencing have increased. It’s only a hypothesis but there HAS to be something going on and it makes sense to me. I’m also thinking if it strikes women so much more than it does men, there’s most likely a reason, perhaps the hormonal differences between us.
Now, how does this tie in to the purpose of my site, my book and this blog? Well ladies, in the mating/reproductive/survival of the species scheme, your job is to attract as many male admirers as you can, thereby having a lot of options for choosing the mate. It’s all instinctive. Of course, you want to be able to choose a good man, anyway, for your own happiness.
I don’t have to tell you (I will, anyway) that most men are not attracted to women who are overweight. Sure, it’s a “competition” and if you’re only carrying 20 extra pounds, that makes you more attractive than the woman who’s carrying 50 but you’re still going to lose out badly to the women who aren’t hauling around any extra weight. They’ll be choosing from among the best men, while you’re likely to be left with the losers.
This doesn’t make the men happy, either; they’re all competing for the 40-50% who are somewhere close to our ideal – who are sexually attractive. Of course, they’re not exactly ALL competing, though – many have given up.
What can you do? Eat right, cut out the processed and junk foods and cook healthy meals. If you have kids, they’ll do better in school and be better behaved as a bonus. If you’re not cooking, start. If you don’t know how, learn – it’s not that hard. And get some decent exercise along with a decent diet.
And now for a rhetorical question: What’s up with all the overweight – even obese – women wearing tight clothes and spandex? Are they trying to SHOW OFF the bulges, rolls and wrinkles? Frankly, from a man’s point of view, it’s gross!
Owen
www.man2woman.net
Not long ago, I heard a brief intro to a story on All Things Considered, the daily program on NPR (unfortunately I didn’t get to hear the whole story when it aired because I was at work). It was stated that either 50 or 60 percent (don’t remember exactly, but who cares? It’s bad) of Americans are now overweight and that of those, 30% have reached the level of obesity. In medical terms, that’s the danger zone. To the rest of us, it’s when we shake our heads and wonder how someone can let themselves get so friggin’ fat that they have trouble walking, getting into a car or onto a bus. Forget armchairs or airplane seats.
Obesity causes all kinds of medical problems, such as diabetes, heart disease and of course, joint and back problems. These people often become cripples, can’t work and their problems become society’s problems. Then they die young. What causes it? I don’t know. Why is the problem getting worse? I don’t know that, either. But we know there’s a lot of food consumption involved and that’s voluntary.
Okay, let’s get to the more common issue of people being overweight without reaching the point of morbid obesity. We see this constantly, everywhere we go. And where I live, it’s at least two times more common in women. I would estimate that about half the women I see in my area carry on the average 25-30 pounds of excess fat, excess to the point of what I’d call unattractive. And, of course, the amount seems to increase with age; teenage girls around here are “rounder” than they used to be and too many women in their 40’s are sporting rolls.
What’s causing this trend?
Simply put: diet. Surveys in recent years have shown that fewer and fewer people are actually cooking their meals the way my mother did – from scratch. The last study I read about concluded that fewer than half the meals served to families in their homes are actually made from “real” food – they’re mostly take-out, prepared frozen foods and the like. In other words, you get the ingredients someone else puts in and they put them in to make money, with absolutely no regard for your health. And to make money, they use more and more artificial ingredients, chemicals and seasonings to make theirs taste better than the competition while maximizing their profits. The most common: MSG.
Mono Sodium Glutamate
For reasons that appear to be more political than anything else, MSG entered the food supply without the agreement of the US Food and Drug Administration. And it’s in virtually ALL prepared foods, fast foods and take-out meals. Colonel Sanders used to advertise his “secret blend of 11 herbs and spices” before his company was bought by a conglomerate. Now the Kentucky Fried Chicken “blend” consists of pepper and MSG. Tastes great, doesn’t it?
You’re not safe in the grocery store, either. For reasons I can’t fathom, food companies are allowed to use many different names for MSG so you can’t spot it on the label: “natural seasonings”, “natural flavors” and “spices” being a few of the more common. I even found the word “spices” on a bottle of horseradish! Come on, what IS horseradish if NOT a spice by itself? “Dangerous, artificial, flavor enhancing chemical” is what it should say. Anyway, just try to find a bottle of salad dressing without it. It’s not easy!
Like a lot of people, I react to too much MSG – no matter what they’re calling it. It makes me feel like I drank WAAAYYY too much coffee. So I did some research into it and discovered that MSG apparently can also make you fat! In a lab, if they need rats to be fat, they inject them with MSG when they’re young and from then on, the rats are fat. Without some artificial means, you can’t make a rat get fat – by nature, rats only consume enough food to maintain their ideal body weight.
So, are you getting my connection here? In the years that MSG has been used more and more, and people have been eating more and more processed foods, the weight problems more and more people are experiencing have increased. It’s only a hypothesis but there HAS to be something going on and it makes sense to me. I’m also thinking if it strikes women so much more than it does men, there’s most likely a reason, perhaps the hormonal differences between us.
Now, how does this tie in to the purpose of my site, my book and this blog? Well ladies, in the mating/reproductive/survival of the species scheme, your job is to attract as many male admirers as you can, thereby having a lot of options for choosing the mate. It’s all instinctive. Of course, you want to be able to choose a good man, anyway, for your own happiness.
I don’t have to tell you (I will, anyway) that most men are not attracted to women who are overweight. Sure, it’s a “competition” and if you’re only carrying 20 extra pounds, that makes you more attractive than the woman who’s carrying 50 but you’re still going to lose out badly to the women who aren’t hauling around any extra weight. They’ll be choosing from among the best men, while you’re likely to be left with the losers.
This doesn’t make the men happy, either; they’re all competing for the 40-50% who are somewhere close to our ideal – who are sexually attractive. Of course, they’re not exactly ALL competing, though – many have given up.
What can you do? Eat right, cut out the processed and junk foods and cook healthy meals. If you have kids, they’ll do better in school and be better behaved as a bonus. If you’re not cooking, start. If you don’t know how, learn – it’s not that hard. And get some decent exercise along with a decent diet.
And now for a rhetorical question: What’s up with all the overweight – even obese – women wearing tight clothes and spandex? Are they trying to SHOW OFF the bulges, rolls and wrinkles? Frankly, from a man’s point of view, it’s gross!
Owen
www.man2woman.net
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Missing Role Models
Recently, I received an email from a man named Scot McKay (I’m subscribed to his list), whose work I respect a lot. He teaches men how to actually BE the genuine man women want, thereby making them more successful at meeting and dating. Not to mention, at life in general. In this particular mailing, Scot talked about some market research done by MTV, where they broke down the state of the modern man in our culture. And one finding that was especially shocking and sad is this:
"Over 50% of all North American men, across all socio-ethnicdemographics and regardless of age, DO NOT HAVE AN IDENTIFIABLE ROLE MODEL."
I got to thinking: How could this be? I mean, when I grew up a boy’s father was usually his first and most important role model. From our fathers we learned how to be men and if a guy was fortunate enough to have a father the caliber of mine, a good man.
Somewhere along the line, things started changing. And I think I have some clues – see if you can follow me here.
First, at the same time the gender roles were gradually changing (more women, including mothers, working outside the home) divorce rates began to climb, leaving fewer boys growing up with their fathers in the home. And I’m sorry to have to say this ladies, but a mother doesn’t qualify as a role model for a boy growing up.
Second, along came the feminist revolution, complete with all the rhetoric about women being able to do it all, without a husband and father having much value in the family. Equality graduated into superiority for many women. And there was more movement toward women seeking (demanding?) men to be more like women - break down the masculinity of men and the world will be a better place, not to mention relationships and the family would be more under the control of the women in them. Women fell for it and started insisting on finding men for husbands who were willing to “show their feminine side” and “listen”. You know what I’m talking about: emasculated “nice guys”.
Men, unfortunately, fell for what women were demanding, being the seekers of “female companionship” we are. Do anything, say anything, BE anything to get women to like us and want us. Confused as we were, we were sucked in, basically. But it didn’t work out the way women thought it would: divorce rates skyrocketed. And did you know that women file about 75% of divorces filed in the US? Bottom line, get the guy you think you want and find out you don’t want him after all.
So at this point, you’ve got not only an ever-growing number of boys reaching manhood without having had the benefit of a father as a role model, but those who DO have their fathers around aren’t getting a true masculine image of what they should become. How could they from their “feminized” fathers, who themselves grew up without male role models? (see footnote) And just look at our modern culture, especially TV. In the sitcoms, men are made out to be bumbling idiots who can’t survive their fiascos without being bailed out by their loving and patient (mothering?) wives. More and more movies are based on the same theme or show wussy guys fawning all over the female characters – “chick flicks”. And what about music in the ‘60’s, ‘70’s and ‘80’s? The incessant wailing of men saying they’ll die if the object of their affections should leave them. Is this what being a man became?
To sum it up, we’ve got a couple generations of men who don’t know what a man is supposed to be, the lucky ones getting to raise their sons in the same mold. And women aren’t happy about it, either. How can a woman be feminine if a man can’t be masculine?
Scot McKay, Carlos Xuma and a few others are reaching out to men, trying to teach us to be the real men we were born to be. And the comments and reviews from women have been “here, here!” You can check out Scot’s work at: Deserve What You Want
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
* In a survey taken by Carlos Xuma, responses showed that where 69% of the men in the survey said they grew up with both parents in the home, only 20% said they felt they were given the tools to be masculine.
"Over 50% of all North American men, across all socio-ethnicdemographics and regardless of age, DO NOT HAVE AN IDENTIFIABLE ROLE MODEL."
I got to thinking: How could this be? I mean, when I grew up a boy’s father was usually his first and most important role model. From our fathers we learned how to be men and if a guy was fortunate enough to have a father the caliber of mine, a good man.
Somewhere along the line, things started changing. And I think I have some clues – see if you can follow me here.
First, at the same time the gender roles were gradually changing (more women, including mothers, working outside the home) divorce rates began to climb, leaving fewer boys growing up with their fathers in the home. And I’m sorry to have to say this ladies, but a mother doesn’t qualify as a role model for a boy growing up.
Second, along came the feminist revolution, complete with all the rhetoric about women being able to do it all, without a husband and father having much value in the family. Equality graduated into superiority for many women. And there was more movement toward women seeking (demanding?) men to be more like women - break down the masculinity of men and the world will be a better place, not to mention relationships and the family would be more under the control of the women in them. Women fell for it and started insisting on finding men for husbands who were willing to “show their feminine side” and “listen”. You know what I’m talking about: emasculated “nice guys”.
Men, unfortunately, fell for what women were demanding, being the seekers of “female companionship” we are. Do anything, say anything, BE anything to get women to like us and want us. Confused as we were, we were sucked in, basically. But it didn’t work out the way women thought it would: divorce rates skyrocketed. And did you know that women file about 75% of divorces filed in the US? Bottom line, get the guy you think you want and find out you don’t want him after all.
So at this point, you’ve got not only an ever-growing number of boys reaching manhood without having had the benefit of a father as a role model, but those who DO have their fathers around aren’t getting a true masculine image of what they should become. How could they from their “feminized” fathers, who themselves grew up without male role models? (see footnote) And just look at our modern culture, especially TV. In the sitcoms, men are made out to be bumbling idiots who can’t survive their fiascos without being bailed out by their loving and patient (mothering?) wives. More and more movies are based on the same theme or show wussy guys fawning all over the female characters – “chick flicks”. And what about music in the ‘60’s, ‘70’s and ‘80’s? The incessant wailing of men saying they’ll die if the object of their affections should leave them. Is this what being a man became?
To sum it up, we’ve got a couple generations of men who don’t know what a man is supposed to be, the lucky ones getting to raise their sons in the same mold. And women aren’t happy about it, either. How can a woman be feminine if a man can’t be masculine?
Scot McKay, Carlos Xuma and a few others are reaching out to men, trying to teach us to be the real men we were born to be. And the comments and reviews from women have been “here, here!” You can check out Scot’s work at: Deserve What You Want
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
* In a survey taken by Carlos Xuma, responses showed that where 69% of the men in the survey said they grew up with both parents in the home, only 20% said they felt they were given the tools to be masculine.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Great New Stuff!
Wow! It's been a long time since I posted anything new here. I guess that's what happens when I run an online business AND work a full-time job. And when I DO have some free time, I have a wife who's been waiting (patiently or not) to spend it with me.
Speaking of my wife, she's from Peru and we thought we'd go into the business of importing and selling some nice Peruvian alpaca wool products. Like on eBay. We thought it would give her a chance to have her own little business. But for one reason or another (or several reasons) that didn't work out very well, and I've got some money invested in product that's sitting here in my office. And it cost so much in international transaction costs and shipping, I couldn't believe it!
I decided it's time to turn that over and get my investment back so we're offering these really nice, high-quality handbags, stretch caps (called "chullos") and ponchos at just over cost. Seriously close-out prices. Just for reference, we're offering unisex chullos for $13-14 (plus $5 shipping) that the supplier in Peru will sell you (including shipping) for $35-40. Or how about a soft-as-cashmere 100% baby alpaca poncho for $35 when the Peruvian supplier charges $79.99 for one that's a blend of alpaca and acrylic.
Take a look! http://www.man2woman.net/alpaca.html
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
Speaking of my wife, she's from Peru and we thought we'd go into the business of importing and selling some nice Peruvian alpaca wool products. Like on eBay. We thought it would give her a chance to have her own little business. But for one reason or another (or several reasons) that didn't work out very well, and I've got some money invested in product that's sitting here in my office. And it cost so much in international transaction costs and shipping, I couldn't believe it!
I decided it's time to turn that over and get my investment back so we're offering these really nice, high-quality handbags, stretch caps (called "chullos") and ponchos at just over cost. Seriously close-out prices. Just for reference, we're offering unisex chullos for $13-14 (plus $5 shipping) that the supplier in Peru will sell you (including shipping) for $35-40. Or how about a soft-as-cashmere 100% baby alpaca poncho for $35 when the Peruvian supplier charges $79.99 for one that's a blend of alpaca and acrylic.
Take a look! http://www.man2woman.net/alpaca.html
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Blame Or Accept Responsibility?
When you blame others, you give up your power to change.
--Dr. Robert Anthony
This is so true. When you put the blame on others for your problems, you're saying only other people - over whom you have no control - can improve your life. You're giving them total power and control over you. If you want things to change, YOU have to do the changing and you can only do that when you accept the truth that you're responsible for yourself and your life. If things have gone wrong, chances are you're the one who caused it, or at least played a part in things going awry.
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
--Dr. Robert Anthony
This is so true. When you put the blame on others for your problems, you're saying only other people - over whom you have no control - can improve your life. You're giving them total power and control over you. If you want things to change, YOU have to do the changing and you can only do that when you accept the truth that you're responsible for yourself and your life. If things have gone wrong, chances are you're the one who caused it, or at least played a part in things going awry.
Owen
coach@man2woman.net
Sunday, March 25, 2007
More from Kara: A Mean Little Book
I was at a Hallmark store the other day and on the counter was a stand with the cutest little 2 inch books. One grabbed my attention because the title was "What Women Say About Men". On each page was a put-down of men. The one I remember was "The more I understand men, the more I like dogs." After reading a couple more I asked the man at the counter if all the entries were that mean-spirited. He said pretty much but that he thought they were kind of funny. We talked more about the commercials, films, and sitcoms that make men look like bafoons. The fact that he's accepted this as how it is made me sad.
I asked him if he thought a book that was aimed at putting down women would sell and he agreed with me that women would be completely up-in-arms. Putting men down has become so common that we don't generally question it. But think about this: How might this attitude be coloring your image of men and how you treat them? And how might that be affecting your current or past relationships? Pay attention overthe next few weeks. Maybe there are some adjustments in your thinking and interactions that could help your relationships with men.
__________________________________________
For more tips about how to make your love life work for you, not against you, go to: Visit AliveWithLove.com often: http://www.AliveWithLove.com
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